I can't belive that I just called Alex at 3:20 in the morning to read him a blog I wrote 3 years ago. God, you make me do some CRAZY things... It feels good to feel you presence in my life again though.... I have missed you SOOOOO much. You have no clue. If this blog was the only reason that you let me get into this entangled mess of things for the past week, then thank you... I have fallen so short of your glory... and your wisdom... HOW could I have been so FOOLISH?? I can't believe that I could have turned away from you like I did. I let heartbreak from a relationship get in the way of a relationship that saves my life daily... I want to shout your praises from the rooftop... and as crazy as this may sound, I KNOW for sure now that you are in that tree when I pray. God I need to change a lot of things. I don't like the way that I have been living my life... I want to live for you again... I have been running away from the good that I felt in your holy presence Lord. I can't help it but to be excited!! I feel like it's all coming together for me now. I feel like I have seen the much needed light at the end of the tunnel; the light that I haven't been searching for, but was eager to see. How can you find something though when you aren't even searching? Oh God, I can't say it enough, but I have missed you so much!! I want to just grab the first person I see and pray with them. I hope that my life steadily turns out to get better, and that I don't forget this feeling when I return home to the chaos. Help me to find you in all that I do Lord. And thank you Lord, for Alex. Without him, and John, I would have never come back here. I needed you so badly. I can't explain the ways! I love you God. Thank you for all that you have given, and done for me. Words cannot explain how amazing you are!!

Amen