To him.

Dear Future Husband,

I just want to start off by saying that I love you... with all of my heart.. I don't know how I am living without you. I'm hurting... and I don't know what to do. I put my heart into a pointless relationship once more. I don't know how to stop.... I act on dumb impulse, and I am hurting everyone around me because of it... I need God... I need you.. wherever you are pray for me.

I love you,

Ali

this is me.

I am not perfect... actually, I am very far from it. I live my life from day to day wondering how I made it through the last... All that I can think about is running from God, concerning all of the things that I did wrong the day before....Why can't I just tell Him...He knows...He knows my heart....
He heard my cry...from the depths of my soul... he heard me..and he rescued my heart..... He loves me...even though I whispered sweet nothings in someone else's ear.... He knew what I really wanted...and he showed it to me...
All I wanted was LOVE...and divine intervention to stop my mind from wandering, and make my heart stop aching... All that I was doing wasn't real...it was artificial... I am finally waiting for something real... I want my prince to come and sit on my daddy's lap with me...and rejoice in all of the blessings that he has bestowed upon us...
I want my prince to know that I am not perfect, and that I have given my heart in pointless relationships before, but that I truly love him, and hope that he is willing to forgive me. I pray for him....and one day, my flesh will be as willing as my heart to wait.

whose line is it anyway?

Moses seems to be who people looked at as the "mesiah" of the Old Testament... but who would have known that he was afraid to speak... when the Lord of the heavens told Moses that he had a job for him, Moses got scared and tryed to pull away...thank goodness that the power of God gave Moses strenth to speak... if he hadn't then we would still be stuck...slaves in Egypt waiting for deliverance....

This hits me... The story of God's mercy is so powerful, and yet, Moses was afraid to SPEAK???? Come on... In our generation people spend years wishing for fame and fortune, but girls are afraid to speak up and out about rape, and sexual abuse... Sometimes, I wish that whenever we needed to say something that God would appear in the form of a burning bush, and say, "you need not worry... I will teach you what to say."

Why is it so hard for us to express our opinions in the form of words? We cut ourselves to say that simply, WE ARE HURTING...we wear black to say I AM MOURNING....we dye our hair to say I AM BORED WITH MY LIFE...we get plastic surgery to say I DON'T FEEL ADEQUATE ENOUGH....

How much easier would life be if we just speak up? Let the burning bush teach you what to say! Read his word, and express yourself with WORDS... actions do speak louder than words... however, that only seems to work when no one is willing to listen... "I am your God, I will never leave you nor forsake you." God listens...tell him... his yoke is easy, and his burden light.

divine intervention

I was laying in my bed last night when I realized that every plan that I make falls apart... Lately I have not asked for any guidance concerning my decisions...and they aren't great. I thought that maybe if I just casually dated that it would work out for me... I mean, a lot of people like it. No commitment, no fights, just plain fun, right? After a while I realized that any type of relationship should have some kind of standard... I am not cut out for being casual...I want commitment, and I want to be able to share my life with someone... I want to be intimate.... I want my relationship to be like the one that I have with God...or should have for that matter.

I need someone who W A N T S to hear me cry when I am sad, and cares about my wellbeing... I want someone who will hold me accountable when I am wrong... not with a condemning attitude, but instead with a r e a s s u r i n g, l o v e. I want someone who will hold my hand through the good and bad times... I want someone who wants every aspect in my life to be shared and special... I want to be special.

I want to be there for him... I want him to feel secure with me... I want him to know that I love him... I want to take care of him... I want to quiet him with my love. I want him to feel assured that tomorrow might not be better than today, but that it will be fine since we are taking the journey t o g e t h e r. I don't want him to feel controlled, or used. I want to share in every responsibility with him. I want him to come home to dinner and a clean house, and when that doesn't happen, I want him to tell me that he loves me anyway. I want him to know that my heart is first and foremost God's, and then it is his. I want him to know that he is a part of my life, my love, and my innermost spiritual growth.

To find this, I have to w a i t... and waiting is the hardest thing for me... He is out there, and when I wait, and fully live my life for G o d , then he will reveal him to me.

Today

I have this thing...I seem to think that if I do something that I know is bad for me, then I will be able to live with it, and just ask for forgiveness later...and then I remember that I have this thing called a c o n s c i e n c e...God does not let me live my life with guilty pleasure for very long. He always pulls me back and reminds me that I belong to him, and that he is always there, even in the midst of my stubborn stupidity. He loves me, and he always will love me.

Sometimes I just can't grasp the imense amount of mercy and grace that He has. I turn from Him daily, and still, he captures my heart, and captivates my soul with longing and compassion. He is just what I need after a long day full of sin, greed, lust, and frustration...he is the quiet peace I feel... he is the voice that I hear...he is the love that fills my lonely heart....and I l o v e my savior. He is mine.