divine intervention

I was laying in my bed last night when I realized that every plan that I make falls apart... Lately I have not asked for any guidance concerning my decisions...and they aren't great. I thought that maybe if I just casually dated that it would work out for me... I mean, a lot of people like it. No commitment, no fights, just plain fun, right? After a while I realized that any type of relationship should have some kind of standard... I am not cut out for being casual...I want commitment, and I want to be able to share my life with someone... I want to be intimate.... I want my relationship to be like the one that I have with God...or should have for that matter.

I need someone who W A N T S to hear me cry when I am sad, and cares about my wellbeing... I want someone who will hold me accountable when I am wrong... not with a condemning attitude, but instead with a r e a s s u r i n g, l o v e. I want someone who will hold my hand through the good and bad times... I want someone who wants every aspect in my life to be shared and special... I want to be special.

I want to be there for him... I want him to feel secure with me... I want him to know that I love him... I want to take care of him... I want to quiet him with my love. I want him to feel assured that tomorrow might not be better than today, but that it will be fine since we are taking the journey t o g e t h e r. I don't want him to feel controlled, or used. I want to share in every responsibility with him. I want him to come home to dinner and a clean house, and when that doesn't happen, I want him to tell me that he loves me anyway. I want him to know that my heart is first and foremost God's, and then it is his. I want him to know that he is a part of my life, my love, and my innermost spiritual growth.

To find this, I have to w a i t... and waiting is the hardest thing for me... He is out there, and when I wait, and fully live my life for G o d , then he will reveal him to me.